其中有几句是抄歌词的，假如修改要把押韵的最后单词都改掉，这种就不要改了。
Gentleman
One day night at seven,
Devils, coming into the heaven,
Gentleman, walking into the 7-eleven.
Out with a ciga,
and charge in the other,
He wished to get rid of his bag,
But he hadn't got another.
Oh gentleman, all you need is a pack,
The things you were carrying were hurting your back.

One day when he woke up at dawn,
Everything he saw, has stopped,
Except for the gentleman and his dog.
The oxygen released,
and his dog's like a beast,
Everything was big and scary,
Fore he that was not pleased.
Oh gentleman, all you need is a ferry,
Carry your pain to the fairy.

One day you waked up and see,
You thought that before you leave,
"Did I pay for the girl lying next to me?"
That made you skin and bone,
'cause your girlfriend was a whore,
'cause your world was covered with a lie,
she didn't love you anymore.
Oh gentleman, all you need is to fly.
Highly and freely in the sky.

With your friends, you were having a card race,
Your mind suggested you not to draw the Red Ace,
We could all see the lines on your face.
Among your partners you shone,
But sometimes you got blown,
All things were breaking down,
Did you believe that's true?
Oh gentleman, all you need is a song,
Then you could forget the things you did wrong.

One day when you were in your father's graves,
There everthing was not saved,
Except your nation's disgrace,
Woman and girls sold and raped,
A generation drenched in hate,
Almost everywhere full of danger,
There's no real but only fake.
Oh gentleman, all you need is a refuge,
Protect you from the disaster of your age.

One day when you were weeping in despair.
Complaining about the world's unfair.
You could only stay in your lair.
You are totoally crashed that you saw stars.
You thought you didn't go that far,
So you didn't see the stop sign.
Then you missed your favourite bar.
Oh gentleman, all you need is to die,
and they would just leave you behind.

You are no gentleman,
You are just a dead soul.

If you're asking me,
The words I said,
will be all that you need.
But it may not be,
Your destiny.

Oh gentleman, all you need is a refuge,
Protect you from the disaster of your age.
这两句，为了跟前面的danger押韵，可否改成:
Oh gentleman, all you need is a shelter,
Protecting you from the disaster.

另外，Everything he saw, has stopped, 应该改成had stopped似乎更符合全诗的时态语境。

从你的诗文看出你有相当的文学功底啊，赞一个^_^可否也给我的翻译提一些意见呢：
http://iask.sina.com.cn/b/13211343.html