帮我改改作文吧，主要看看语言方面的，语法啊，用词啊，还有是句型句式。
topic:060 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Though some people think that the game take the same part in adults' lives as children. Considering the functions of the games are releasing expressions, offering some funs, and do not damage peoples' healthy, these people suggest that adults also should play some games sometimes. Nevertheless, comparing with children, I do strongly disagree with these people who believe that games are important to adults.
Here I would explain a few of the most important reasons. The first main reason is that people who have jobs or educations are always busy in working, and chore or studying, so they have less time to play games in order to seek fun. Adults, special in this modern society, have to donate most time in their jobs or studying tasks. Consequently they have less time left to take rest. Concerning many games are always too complex and not convenient to play, playing game is not a good way to relax themselves. And the best ways such as sleeping, having appointment and taking some spas are more suitable for workers and university students, because these kind of ways can spend little time to reward cozy and good rest.
Besides, the further reason that why I do not advocate games are as significant for adults as for children is that the patterns of the game are usually only suit for children. This significant point, however is often not noticed by most people and accordingly, is unconsciously overlooked. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is very persuasive. In our country there is a popular game called "dropping a handkerchief". This game needs a team which is consisted with several children, one of these children holds a handkerchief and the others sit as a circulation with their face toward into circulation, then the one who hold the handkerchief run the circulation. From my description, it is obvious that adults can hard play this dropping a handkerchief game. So there are few games we can find for adults to play.
If all the factors above are considered, we will find out that the disadvantages of adults to play games. As people are not only too much time to play games, but the patterns of games are not suitable for adults as well. Therefore from what we have discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that adults should not play the games as children. And they had better to seek other ways to spend their rest time.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Though some people think that game play the same role in adults' lives as in children's.I don't thingk so. Considering the functions of the games such as offering some funs, do not damaging peoples' health. these people suggest that adults should also play some games sometimes. Nevertheless, comparing with children, I do strongly disagree with these people who believe that games are important to adults.
Here I would give some of the most important reasons. The first main reason is that people who have jobs or are receiving educations are always busy in working or studying, so they have less time to play games to seek fun. Adults, specially in this modern society, have to spend most time in their jobs or studying tasks. Consequently they have less time left to take rest. Concerning many games are always too complex and not convenient to play, playing game is not a good way to relax themselves. And the best ways such as sleeping, having appointments or taking some spas are more suitable for workers and university students, because these kind of ways can take little time to reward cozy and good rest.
Besides, the further reason why I do not advocate games is as significant for adults as for children is that the patterns of the game are usually only suitable for children. This significant point, however is often not noticed by most people and accordingly, is unconsciously overlooked. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is very persuasive. In our country there is a popular game called "dropping a handkerchief". This game needs a team which consists of several children, one of these children holds a handkerchief and the others sits as a circulation with their faces toward the circulation, then the one who hold the handkerchief run the circulation. From my description, it is obvious that adults can hardly play this dropping-handkerchief game. So there are few games we can find for adults to play.
If all the factors above are considered, we will find out that the disadvantages of adults of playing games. As people have not only little time to play games, but the patterns of games are not suitable for adults as well. Therefore from what we have discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that adults should not play the games as children do. And they had better seek other ways to spend their leisure time.


改了一些，仅供参考！