两个神经病人被警察抓住.
有人问：警察，你怎么知道他们是精神病？
警察说：一个人朝另一个人扔石头。
那人问：那另一个人那？
警察说：捡起石头叫他再扔。

我哥今天去考驾驶执照，回来后我问他：哥，你拿到驾驶执照了吗？
哥说：还不知道那，我下车时，教练以被送网医院抢救！

顺便帮我加下串联词， thank you!!!


这是我明天演讲时想讲的，我想问一下如果是你们在下面听，会觉得幽默吗，如果不够幽默，希望你们认为幽默的打出来谢谢！！！

再给你加一点串词吧.

Hi, everybody! I surely feel greatly honored to be here with you today. I know everyone here has had a busy day,now to ease your minds, I'd like to tell you some jokes. If you feel funny, just laugh as loudly as you can, and let's share amusement together. Here we go!

1. A policeman caught two mentally diordered patients.
"How do you know they are mentally disordered patients?" Somebody asked him.
"One guy was throwing a stone towards the other" was the answer.
"Then how about the other?"
"The other guy,"said the policeman,"picked up the stone and asked the him to throw it to him again."

Huh, feel interesting? Then let me hear your laughters, ok?

All right, now I'd like to tell you something about my silly brother. He always does something I think silly, even stupid sometimes. However, I love him because he's so lovely and interesting. Then what did he do this time. Here's something happening during his driving license test.

2. That day, my brother went to have the test for driving license. After he came back, I asked him,"Have you got it?"
" I've no idea yet,"said my brother," but my coach was just being sent to the hospital for emergency care when I got off the car!"


Do you like these two stories? I do hope they can bring you some laughter, some relaxation, and some happiness. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and we have to work hard again. But do remember: Be happy all the time!

Thank you very much.



你选的这两段都不错，应该会起到你期望的效果。因为是演讲，尽量少使用生僻的词语以便让别人听懂，这样你的笑话才不会打折扣！

***************

再给你两个吧：

1。I Shoot Them All!我把他们全打死了！

Tom: I used to shoot tigers in Africa.
我过去常在非洲打老虎。
Jack:Nonsense!There are no tigers in Africa.
胡说！非洲根本就没有老虎。
Tom: Right you are. I shoot them all.
对极了。我把他们全打死了。

2。 Eye Test视力测试

A man went to the optician（眼镜商） to have his eyes tested. The optician sat him down and showed him a test chart.

" Can you read that?" asked the optician.
" No." said the man.
The optician moved it closer:"Now can you read it?"
"No.", said the man.
The optician moved the chart even closer.
"Surely you can read it now?"
"No,", said the man." I can only see, but I can't read."
一个人去眼镜店测视力。眼镜上让他坐下给他看一张视力表。
“看得见吗？”
“看不见。”那人说。
眼镜商把视力表拿近了点：“现在看得见了吧？”
“不行。”那人又说。
眼镜商把视力表拿得更近了一点，然后问他：“现在该看得见了吧？”
“不行，我的眼睛只能看，不能读。”


注：read既可当“读”讲，又可当“看得见”讲。