我的英语老师让我们每人轮流讲一个一两分钟的英语小笑话，是健康的，不要太难听懂得，拜托拜托！！

[搞笑短信] 你等着发工资吧

If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money... wait for your salary.

　　如果你感到孤独，我做你的影子。如果你想哭泣，我做你的肩膀。如果你想要拥抱，我做你的枕头。如果你想要快乐，我做你的微笑。如果你想要钱……等着发工资吧！
English:
A Farmer one day came to the stables to see to his beasts of burden: among them was his favorite donkey that was always well fed and often carried his master. With the Farmer came his Lapdog, who danced about and licked his hand and frisked about as happy as could be. The Farmer felt in his pocket, gave the Lapdog some dainty food, and sat down while he gave his orders to his servants. The Lapdog jumped into his master’s lap, and lay there blinking while the Farmer stroked his ears.
The donkey, seeing this, broke loose from his halter and began prancing about in imitation of the Lapdog. The Farmer could not hold his sides with laughter, so the donkey went up to him, and putting his feet upon the Farmer’s shoulder attempted to climb into his lap. The Farmer’s servants rushed up with sticks and pitchforks and soon taught the donkey that clumsy jesting is no joke.

中文：
一天，农夫去马厩里照看他的牲畜，这其中就有他最喜欢的驴，这头驴被主人精心照料，常被当作主人的坐骑。哈巴狗也随着主人活蹦乱跳的来到马厩，时而作揖，时而跳跃，极尽能事。主人从兜里取出一份精美的食物给了它，就坐下来吩咐奴仆干活了，哈巴狗跳到农夫的膝盖上，眼睛乖巧的一眨一眨的，农夫喜爱的抚摸着它的耳朵。
驴看到了这情景，挣脱缰绳，也模仿哈巴狗四蹄撒欢，农夫看了禁不住捧腹大笑，驴看这招奏效，便走向农夫，将双蹄搭向农夫的肩膀，也想坐到农夫的膝盖上。周围的仆人马上冲过来，用棍棒和干草叉教会了驴，开这种不合时宜的玩笑可不是闹着玩的。
English:
Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired."

中文：
我的同事有好几小时不见人了。我们疯了地到处找他。最后老板发现，他正在睡大觉。没叫醒他，老板悄无声息地在我的同事的胸前放了个纸条。“睡觉时”，条上写着，“你是我的员工，醒来你就不是了
English:
An old woman went to a supermarket, to the tomato or tofu stall. She bent down to pick some tomatoes or tofu, and because she was old, her spine gave her trouble and she felt a sharp pain. So she just shrieked, "Ah....", the way you do when you see a mouse in the kitchen. And the seller at the counter said, "Wow, if you think the tomatoes are expensive, you should see the price of the zucchini."

中文：
有一位老太太去超市，走到放蕃茄或是豆腐之类的地方， 她弯下腰想挑些蕃茄或豆腐什么的，但是因为年纪大了，就在她弯腰的时候，突然感到脊椎一阵剧痛，所以就尖叫了起来， 就像你们在厨房看到老鼠一样。柜台的店员就说： “哇！如果你嫌蕃茄太贵的话，应该去看看小胡瓜的价格