I’m the Only One
She was my sister and she was sleeping late. She’s a lot older than me and at the time she was about to break into films, directing them, so everybody was indulging her. She was the only girl, too. If something didn’t work out in her life and she had to come home for a while, it was a big deal. It mattered more than if I fucked up in one way or another. When Kelly was at home you had to creep around the house and keep your voice down even if it was in the middle of the afternoon. Our mother’s Canadian - I don’t know why I say that, except maybe it helps explain her opinion about Kel: Smarts Needs Special. It was this crappy little phrase that she had made up and it meant that clever people. People with special talents, need special treatment. Like they have a disease. You have to meet the Canadian side of our family to understand how cute she thinks that phrase is. I remember thinking that it was bullshit when I was fourteen and it still smells bad now. But to my mother, Kelly was this asteroid that had landed in our lives and no one knew how she got there or what size hole she was going to leave. I’ve never been very good at school, and Pete, our older brother, is the same. Then along comes Kelly. So my mother has us all pussy-footing around like a family mime troupe, waving our hands, taking our shoes off.
I’m thinking of a particular morning, I was creeping around trying to make a silent breakfast, opening cupboards quietly, acting like I didn’t exist. I’d been doing it for a couple of weeks since Kelly got back. It felt like I’d been doing it my whole life. The situation came about because earlier in the year Kelly had moved in with this guy called Aidan. They bought furniture, the whole works. Then she cheated on him and he left her. Apart from Kelly being back in our house, it was also a shame because Aidan was the only man she ever went out with, before or since, whom I’ve had any time for whatsoever. Aidan was a top man, a good guy. The thing I like about him was that he was smart, but he didn’t need much of this special treatment. He was Irish, from Dublin, and he could be funny, he could talk football and he liked to see other people's mouths open and close besides his own. It was good knowing someone like him. I needed it; what with dad not being around, Pete married and gone; and me in a house full of women. That was the year I was praying for a few more inches on my height and shaving the bare space under my nose hoping that something might turn up. So it was good to know Aidan, six foot three and hairy as a bear. He was hairy back and front and Kelly would tease him about it, and he would laugh her off or tell her she could do with losing a few pounds which, between you and me, was nothing but the truth. She was a fat little thing back then. And he went and told her, straight-up; didn't care that she was almost, sort of, famous. He told it how it was. That was the way he loved her. She never appreciated it, thou

我是唯一
她是我的姐姐,她又懒床了.她比我大了很多,而且那时,她正要到电影界闯荡,做导演,因此每个人都宠着她.她也是家里的独女.如果她的生活中有些不顺心的事让她觉得有必要回家住一阵子,那真是天大的事了.甚至比我闯了什么大祸还要严重.当凯莉在家的时候你必须踮起脚在家里走路,而且即使是大下午的,你也必须悄声说话.我们的母亲是加拿大人--我不知道我为什么说这个,也许这能解释她对凯尔的看法:聪明人需要特殊化.这是她编出来的一句粗糙的短句,意思是聪明的人,有特殊天份的人,需要特殊对待.好像他们得了病一样.你得认识我加拿大那边的亲戚,否则你不能理解为什么她认为那句短语很精辟.我还记得我十四岁的时候觉得那句话就像一坨狗屎,现在我也依然那么认为.但对我妈妈来说,凯莉就像是一颗降落在我们生活中的小行星,没人知道她是怎么来的,也不知道她会留下多大一个陨石坑.我的学习从来都不是很好,而皮特,我们的大哥,同样如此.接着凯莉架临了.妈妈便让我们各个缩手缩脚地走路,好像一个家庭哑剧团一样,用手势说话,进门必须脱鞋.
我印象中,那天早上,我正踮着脚,试着安静地做早餐,安静地打开碗橱,表现地就像我不存在一样.自从凯莉回来住,我已经这么过了几个星期了.事实上,我印象中似乎一直都在这么做.造成这种情况的原因是,年初凯莉和这个叫艾丹的男人同居了.他们买了家具,一整套.然后她背着他偷了人,他便离开了她.除了凯莉回家住以外,更让我感到遗憾的是艾丹是她至今为止交往的男人中唯一一个能和我聊得来的人.艾丹有着不错的社会地位,人品也不错.他让我喜欢的一点是他是个聪明的人,但从来不需要特殊对待.他是爱尔兰后裔,来自都柏林,他很幽默,他能跟人聊橄榄球,也喜欢听别人说话.认识他这样的人挺不错的.我很需要这样的交往,因为爸爸老是不在,皮特结了婚分出去住了,我只能待在一个满是女人的家里.那是我的敏感期,总在祈祷能多长高几英寸,反复地剃我鼻子下光滑的皮肤,满脑子的浪漫故事.所以能认识艾丹,六英尺三且体毛像熊一样浓厚的艾丹是件不错的事.他胸前后背上都是毛,凯莉因此会开他的玩笑,而他会反过来嘲笑她,告诉她少了几磅的体重她也能活,这话,我悄悄告诉你,真是大实话.她那时已经是个胖家伙了.而他会把这个直接告诉她,从不因为她已经有了些名气而有所顾忌.他说的是实话.这是他爱她的方式.可她从未感激过他.