Living alone or living with roommates
When we enter the college ,the first thing we will meet is how to live. Living alone or living with roommates is worthy to be considered.
Some of us students hold the view that we should live alone. Their reasons are as follows. With living alone,they can decided when and how to get work done on their own,which means getting more private space in a way. In addtion, without the noise ,one can have a good rest in a quiet place. Besides,by living alone,we can develop the independence.
On the other hand,the others prefer living with roommates. A roommates may become a friend. One you can share the happiness and the sorrows with.Consequently,you can feel living at home, which make a real difference in easing your homesick. What’s more, sometimes we can figure something out together.
Personally,I would like to live with roommates. Nowadays,we need to learn to fit into this society. Be the change you want to see in the world. Thus, we require to gain the ability of getting on with all kinds of people. It is living with other people that provides us a great chance.
谢谢

来试试，供参考。
1. 文章题目的第二个 living 是多余的，即：Living alone or with roommates
2. 第一款改写如下：
The first thing we'll meet,as a new student in college, is about living alone or with roommates.
理由：简单明了。而你的 When we enter...how to live...worthy to be ... 你不觉得啰嗦？应腾出更多的空间留给后面想要表述的论点。
3.第二款中，with、without、in addition、besides 等介词和关联词用得很好，more private space、a good rest in a quiet place、develop the independence 都是很棒的论点。若是高中生写的，应该赞扬，完全可得高分。但，整段语言顺序太 Chinese了，译成中文，语序几乎一摸一样。这是提高英语写作水平必须要注意的问题。建议修改如下：
Getting more private space is the main reason of the view held by some of us students who would like to live independently.And thus, they can also have more time to arrange freely,in a quiet place to study,to rest etc.
........

第三、四款是论点的重头戏，应该占最大篇幅，留给你自己啰。

补充说明：受高人私下劝言，我某些言语过重，如：啰嗦、太 Chinese ..... 对小孩成长不利。其实，第二款原文是很流畅的，高中生能写出这一段，已属优秀。只是希望能跳开中文思维的束缚，向更 English 迈进。也希望他自己再试着修改第三、四款。