Sometimes a stepparent has to take a step back. When I was thirty-five, I met my husband and came to know his kids, aged 10 and 7. We had fun playing basketball and shopping for cartoon books and became great friends. Then I got married .
In most cases, step-kids live with their mom and step-dad. This makes our case quite unusual. Four years into our marriage, after going between their mom’s place and ours, the boys moved in with us full-time.
I was no longer a part-time friend, so everything changed. For example, getting the kids to help didn’t appear an important thing before, but now they became unwilling. Once, after I’d asked my elder stepson to set the table, he simply said, “You’re not my mother; I don’t have to listen to you.”
It was painful but I realized it was about keeping roles clear in our new family life. I told him he was right—I wasn’t his mom; I was another person in his life who loved him, and we needed to get things done together.
Even in a live-in situation, a stepparent isn’t the parent. You help with everything and and share lots of hugs and laughs. But you also have to learn to stand in the shadows. For example, when there were only enough tickets for Mom and Dad to sit up front, I sat in back. It was hurtful, but I realized it wasn’t personal.
Today, my stepsons know where to find me, whether it’s for long chats or a(n) quick e-mail to say hi. And I know where to find them. The caring is surely there, even if the bloodline isn’t.

有些地方译得不是很适当,仅供参考

有时,继父母需要做出一些让步.我35岁时遇见了我的丈夫，也认识了他的两个孩子，一个10岁，一个7岁。我们一起打篮球，去商店买卡通书，变成了很好的朋友。然后我和他们的父亲结婚了。

大多数情况下，继子与他们的母亲和继父在一起。而我们却不同。在我们结婚后的四年里，孩子们有时去他们的母亲那住，有时在我们这儿住，最后，他们选择和我们在一起。


我不再是临时的朋友了，所以每件事情都有了变化。比如，以前让孩子们帮忙并不显得重要，但是现在他们都不愿意。一次，我让较大的孩子放桌子，他简单地说，“你不是我妈妈，我用不着听你的。”

那是痛苦的，但我认为在我们新的家庭生活中，成员分工要明确。我告诉他，他是对的--我不是他亲妈，但我是他生命中另外一个爱他的人，我们要共同把事情做好。

即使生活在一起，继父母也比不上亲父母。你帮着他们做每一件事，与他们分享拥抱与欢笑。但是你也要学会站在阴影下。例如，当坐在前面的票只够亲生父母的时候，我就坐在后面。这让我很伤心，但我还是认为很合乎常理。

现在，我的继子们知道我在哪儿，什么时候和我长谈，什么时候快速发个邮件打招呼。并且我也知道他们在哪。关怀就在那里，即使没有血缘关系。